00:00 Highly successful people are always looking to grow. People who are average, normal society are always looking to protect their ego before they receive the lesson.
00:11 So whenever something comes out and makes us uncomfortable, it offends us, it hurts our ego, they're more worried about that damage that was done to their ego versus receiving the lessons so they can grow.
00:27 Our circle right now is filled with average-minded people. Meaning small minds talk about people, average minds talk about things, great minds talk about ideas.
00:40 Well, that's a cool concept, but what does that actually mean? Right? And now that we're building a multi-million dollar business, like, okay, where can you have leniency at?
00:52 Right? Like you said, hey, something just need to be done to be done. Right? Good enough is good enough. That is true, but there's a dichotomy there right like and I had this talk with Laurie where we're going on a walk And I'm just like look like every time it's not me be little in you.
01:07 It's not me be rating you It is me giving you constructive feedback saying hey, this looks terrible. It should be okay for me to say this looks terrible Because if it looks terrible, it looks terrible, right?
01:22 There's no way to soften that but the issue is is It's because you believe it is good or you put in the effort that you put in, you accept that and you settle.
01:34 The reason that we accept it in settle is because we are surrounded by people who accept everything and they settle.
01:42 So now if you're around me where I no longer accept anything and I no longer settle anything, it makes you really uncomfortable and most people aren't a good fit because they want to settle.
01:53 They want to stay down here and they want to live very, very comfortably where I'm like look I am tired of being uncomfortable Matter of fact, I am tired of having to choose my heart and that heart to always be the one that I don't want Because of the people around me or telling me that I need a settle
02:11 Right, so instead of doing that It's like, okay, what's the difference between the highly successful people and the people who make a hundred K a year, make 50 K a year, make 250 K a year, right?
02:25 Like if you make less than three to five million dollars a year, like, hmm, we got some work to do, right?
02:33 So what is the difference between them and us? Well, they don't settle. And whenever a lesson happens, whenever a mistake happens, it's not, oh, Oh, he's belittling me.
02:48 Oh, he's berating me. Oh, he's always criticizing me. Oh, nothing's never good enough for him. Instead, it's like, okay, let me here, let me open my mind up.
02:59 Let me receive this lesson as quickly as possible. That way I can get better. Highly successful people are always looking to grow.
03:08 People who are average, normal society are always looking to protect their ego before they receive the lesson so whenever something comes out it makes us uncomfortable it offends us it hurts our ego they're more worried about that damage that was done to their ego versus receiving the lessons so they
03:28 can grow so with settling we don't have time to settle I want to move I won't speed so if I won't speed then the only option is for the entire team to adapt to the principle of let's not settle whenever somebody says something and they're like, Hey, this looks okay.
03:49 Like, I like it. But yet you've got double captions on it. Like what were you thinking? Right. Like why would you have double captions?
03:58 That makes no sense, guys. Right. Hey, we only use captions on social media because in social media, people are scrolling with their volume off and they need to see captions.
04:08 But in a lesson, in a tutorial, in a product, we don't need captions because they supposed to have the volume on in the first place, right?
04:15 If I say that with a stern voice, all of a sudden it hurts somebody ego because they made the mistake.
04:21 I shouldn't have to worry about offending people's ego non-stop, right? Instead, it's, okay, I get it. Like, that's logical. In order for us to be successful, that's exactly what I needed to hear.
04:35 So that is the lesson. He just taught me a lesson and he just prevented me from making it time time or time.
04:41 Instead, the alternative would be, hey, you know, this is a great video and, you know, I love the captions I did as well.
04:48 Like, you know, you did a really good job, but let's just remove the other captions because we really don't want to use those own lessons.
04:54 We only want those on social media, right? Is that okay? And now they're just like, ah, okay. I can do that.
05:03 But like, did they really receive the lesson? Right? Like, that's the big question. Like, you know, So the lesson is received because it is painful.
05:13 Pain teaches us lessons. Every time you fail, it is some type of painful. That pain normally is in the presence of our ego being damaged.
05:25 That's what we feel. That's reason it's painful in the first place. So if that is true, then we need to accept the fact that our ego is going to be damaged, but every time our ego is damaged, I want to be a successful person so I'm going to receive the lesson and I'm going to disregard my ego being hurt
05:44 . And then I'm going to move forward. But I do have a question on that because you mentioned it when you said complimented like in the hypothetical of hey this is a good video like the captions look nice but we don't need them here remove them for me blah blah blah.
06:03 When you came down and your voice This was toned down and you were actually confronting and talking to somebody like they were a person and not just like a robot.
06:13 I felt more receptive to that feedback right there instead of you knife hanging out. We go back, listen to recording even in the first one where I'm just like, hey, this makes no sense.
06:23 I also said, this is a good video. I said the exact same compliment. Yeah, you talk, yes, but it's the tone, the tone of voice that it's delivered in.
06:35 Yeah, but at the same time, do you think Steve Jobs walked around and worried about the tone of his voice when he's trying to get his team to execute?
06:43 Like do you think Russell Brunson or Tony Robbins or any of these people walk around worrying about the tone of their voice trying to get their team to execute?
06:51 I think it depends, depends on what? Like the type of person they are. Like I don't think every single big billionaire or owner is going around with stern voice all the time.
07:04 There's, it's like a kid, dude, like, you know, if you got a child and that child does something wrong and you respond in a very laxidated way, is that kid going to receive that message?
07:19 I don't know, I'm not there yet. The answer is no, dude, like, they're not because your tonality wasn't serious enough to emphasize the importance of it.
07:30 But because my voice is deep and it delivers and it's sharpening and it's pain, like, you receive that. But yet, what type of person are you to receive the lesson?
07:42 Like, can you receive the lesson? And the amount of time it takes for me to drive that lesson into an employee doubles.
07:54 If not triples, if I go about it in a soft way. Because even like yesterday, um, I was talking about how to put in and and and receive critiques.
08:11 I have given that lesson multiple times to the entire team about, hey, you can take the video and you can put it in a cap cut and you can put it in a folder and then you take that link.
08:21 And then whoever's giving the critique can go in there and grab that link and then they can watch it, right?
08:28 I've given that lesson multiple times. I've also given the lesson of where they download the video and they put it into click up and then they added it.
08:35 I've given that lesson multiple times. When I say multiple times, I've given it probably over six times, right? But yet yesterday, I started off with the lesson and then at the end of the video, So I went very stern, right?
08:52 And now, everybody hears it. Oh, this is important to Eric. This is important to the team. This is important to the mission, right?
09:01 Now, if I was stern in the beginning, would I have to give that lesson that many times? Maybe not, maybe I don't know.
09:09 I mean, it's pretty simple, the answer's no, right? Like a kid who still something at the store And then you walk out and you find out that he's still something at the store like you go, oh, we need to go put that back No, you can't do that.
09:25 Oh, no, Johnny. Like you can't grab stuff and bring it out the store without paying for it That is stilling and that is wrong, Johnny You can't do that, Johnny.
09:36 Let's go back in here and let's pay for this item, okay? And now Johnny becomes a thief because he didn't get that butt beat It's hard for me because I've never been in a position you have, but I've also been in a position of managing people when I was in the military.
09:57 And I'm very pro adapting to people's personalities. Do people know that I'm about business when I need to be about business?
10:04 Yeah. We've already talked about this prior. I'm a very informal leader because I want people to feel okay around me.
10:12 I want people to know that we can have fun if we get the work done. Yes, so what you're saying is though is because you want to be a normal leader.
10:23 No, let me let me finish my thought real quick. I don't care what type of leader people people choose to be.
10:31 They can be formal and formal. It's whatever. It's who you are, your personality wise. And that's what fit me. And that's what I chose to do.
10:38 But what I also did is I understood that people didn't respond to certain feedback. So when I went to certain people and were like stern voice to them, they still didn't respond.
10:50 But if I actually sat down and was like normal conversation voice, then they would respond. So is it like screw people who don't respond to how I'm going to talk to them and criticize or give the feedback or is it, hey, as a leader and a boss, I need to adapt and learn how my employees respond to certain
11:12 feedback. It's a dichotomy again, right? It's always a balance because you're absolutely right. We're both absolutely right and at the same time we're both absolutely wrong in the wrong situation.
11:26 Right, so if I walk into a church event and all of a sudden somebody says, is, hey, I want you to lead this church event.
11:39 And all of a sudden, right now I'm in charge of 20 people to organize the event and everything. And I talk to them, like the first time they make a mistake or the second time they make a mistake with a certain voice, immediately they're gonna resent me and they're going to not do what I need them to 
11:57 do, right? We can all agree on that. Yeah. Now, if I am in that church for a year and I have continuously worked with the same team over and over again, where I built up that trust and that credibility in order to lead and adapt, I should be able to move quicker.
12:20 I should be able to move quicker by not having to take five, ten minutes to deliver the same message because speed.
12:29 And that's where, you know, like whoever's in charge of it would instead of dealing with all the new people, instead they hire managers.
12:37 And now the managers have to take that five, 10 minute conversation in order to teach that 30 second lesson. Right.
12:45 And that's what you're describing. So whenever you're in the military and you're in charge of somebody and whenever you try to deliver a right line and they bow back up to you, it's because they don't respect you because you haven't done anything to be respected.
13:00 But in a business that you've been in for a while, like that relationship should grow where you can take and accept constructive feedback very quick.
13:11 It's all about speed. Everything I'm talking about is about speed, right? Instead, like you are absolutely right if we was talking about building a team in the very beginning.
13:24 You do. You need to be very soft, very coddling, and give them support. But after we start moving and that momentum is going, how long before you start realizing that it takes you two weeks to do a one day project?
13:41 Like I've been there. there. You can't do it. And the reason it does that is because now you have an option.
13:49 There's A, B and C players. And most likely what's happening is you have been working with C and B players.
13:58 And now you need A players. And B and C players are not growing to be A players Because they haven't been led to be a players So a players accept responsibility for delivering results, right?
14:14 And that's like that lesson I just gave you in Lori. It's just like I don't care who you handed it off to is it's still your responsibility Is your responsibility to deliver the result?
14:24 Right and instead of y'all to you know coming back and talking and saying hey like when's this gonna be done?
14:30 and when's the deadline to it, it reached out for two weeks until I checked and I'm just like, when's this happening?
14:36 And before I even checked, like I've already asked Lori like four times, but hey, when's this gonna be changed because I'm looking for the link.
14:43 I'm looking for the link that way I can start posting and sharing episodes and drop that brand out there, right?
14:49 And I'm constantly looking for that link and I'm like, Lori, what's it happening? What's it happening? And then finally, it's just like, look, like this gotta be done, you know?
14:58 But yet that message wasn't good enough, right even though I started off soft the only thing you remember is the Sternness because you're not used to the sternus right, but yet the sternus gets the needle to move and What's happening is is again, you're dealing with C and B players A players respond 
15:15 very well to the lesson being delivered and they don't have time for five or ten minute soft pitch same thing in the military, the military is field with CNB players.
15:29 I mean, the government is field with C players. Well, it's good enough for government work. Mm hmm. Well, dude, I used to say that bull.
15:41 It's good enough for government work. Tell me you're lowering your standards without telling me you're lowering your standards. I say it as a joke all the time.
15:49 Yeah, but it bleeds into our entire life. Right? Um, so what do you do? So excuse my language, but the whole, you know, you meet somebody and they're an asshole, they're probably an asshole.
16:09 You meet the second person, they're an asshole, they're probably an asshole. And the third time and the fourth time, maybe you're the asshole, you know, like You've heard that before.
16:19 What happens when, say, from a leadership standpoint, boss, leader, CEO, president, whatever you wanna call it? Say you have these people that keep leaving the company or the startup or friendship, whatever.
16:39 And it's like, or they don't perform. form. Then it's like, do you just keep bringing cycling people in to find that?
16:51 And that's just a hit you're going to have to take as that top dog, or is there something where you have to sit and reflect and go, maybe I'm the problem.
17:01 Yep. This is a great question. I've experienced this multiple times because this leads into the next question. So I want, depending on how you answer this, this leads into my next question.
17:14 So when I first started building a team, I mean, I can take you back to like military days, right? Like military days, like I was not a good leader.
17:23 I was definitely insubordinate, but I had good supervisors. And her name's Kelly Hudson, dude, like I love her death. Like she's amazing woman.
17:33 And she was always my supervisor in the military. And like she led very well. But when I did not act right, what does she do?
17:42 She came down with a hammer. But at the same time, I could have fun with her. We could joke, we could play, we could do whatever.
17:51 And like, you know, it was unprofessional, it was professional. It was fine. And the lesson she taught me was, is you have to know when to be professional and when to be unprofessional.
18:00 Same thing you got to teach a kid. A kid doesn't know when he can go and jump on the couches and when he can't.
18:06 But if you teach the kids and never jump on the couch is now he's walking around and he's really uptight whenever a couch is around because he doesn't want to piss somebody off.
18:15 Even if you got a nice couch like dude like let's play on the couch every once in a while. Again all about the dichotomy like there is no you have to live your life in the gray because there is no black and white there is not period right and if you think there is a black and white prove it because I
18:34 haven't experienced it not in a single single incidents. Everything is in the gray. With the leadership that, you know, I was brought up under the military, like, I got to watch multiple supervisors.
18:47 I got to watch multiple chief master's sergeants, e-nines, come through the facility, and I watched how they led. And the ones that I respected the most had a hammer.
18:59 The ones that nobody respected had no hammer. And you're and just like, how are you a leader in the first place?
19:08 And it's a dichotomy, right? Like you're taking Jaco Willent, for example, and like read his books, like he talks about this.
19:14 There's a time to be stern, and there's a time not to be stern. There's also a time to realize that that person cannot perform.
19:22 He actually has a really good story about this and dichotomy of leadership book that he wrote. And he's talking about how he's in charge of this platoon, and there's one seal, a Navy seal who's already the lead of the lead in the Navy who continuously makes mistakes in training.
19:45 And he goes and grabs another supervisor or somebody who's above him to direct them and work one-on-one with them.
19:57 He gives them all the resources. And he gives them all the resources, but yet he still can't perform in training.
20:06 And then one day he comes up and he's like, I can't push you out there. Like you are a hazard to everybody on the platoon.
20:15 Like I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to remove you from the siltine. You are no longer a silt. And Jaco talks about how like that right there is like career ending for these people.
20:26 And Jacco weighs and he's like, man, like this is a hard decision, you know, but he ends up making the decision because he's already given him all of the resources possible in order to be successful.
20:38 So the answer you're looking for is in a leader, if you come down on a person hard the very first time, but yet you didn't perform and give them the resources they needed, then yes, you are a terrible leader.
20:51 I do not do that. Do I do that? No. And I wasn't thinking to battle you and say, you don't do that.
21:00 I was trying to actually think of how I wanted to say it. You provide, you call them lessons through loom.
21:11 You say, hey, you might want to look at this. Like, there's never, there's never a, this is wrong. And then you leave.
21:22 You go, hey, look at this after you listen to me. And it's just like, okay, you know, so in short, the answer is, yeah, as a the answer we don't want to hear.
21:36 Yeah, but at the same time, it's like, hey, watch this, you know? Yeah, and in that loom, like I'm not beating you down.
21:45 Normally, it's a praise with a lesson, right? I try to praise on what you did do good at, and then I give you a lesson on what you need to improve on.
21:54 That's the framework. That's the framework of being a leader. Now, do I have improvement? Do absolutely, right? I'll always be improving this until I die, right?
22:02 But like that's what I'm trying to do on every time and, you know, with the leadership, you can't rain down on somebody if you didn't do your job as a leader and your job as a leader is to ensure that they have every resource possible in order to be successful.
22:18 Now, this is where the world confuses it and the world chooses the settle because now all of a sudden they're like, oh, you're so harsh.
22:27 You're so harsh with your words. You're always so direct, you have a high standard, I can never meet your standard.
22:34 The point is, it's like you just don't belong. You need to go to a team that performs at a lower level because you are not an A player.
22:44 And that's it. And we have to accept the fact that they're not an A player because if you continuously work with a C and B player and try to give them the resources to be an A player, people get hurt.
22:55 like Jaco. If he would have took that person who was the lead of the lead in the Navy, he may, he passed all of the tests to become a seal.
23:06 He was a seal. But during combat training, out in the world, out in the war, he couldn't hack it. And he had a pull his career.
23:20 He had to destroy his career and send him back to get retrained for something else right and he had to make that decision knowing all of that but with us in business world and not only business world but even in your family world do you spend time with B&C players and let them lower your standards Well
23:44 , it's good enough for government work, right? Or do you say, no, I'm not lower in my standards, I have given you all the resources, I have tried to work with you.
23:57 I can't continue to try to work with you forever, okay? So you got to go, right? And before you do that, what I normally do is, is like, look, this is starting to be redundant.
24:11 it. You are making the same mistake over and over again. If you do not change, and then I tell them exactly what they need to change.
24:18 If you do not change, and you do not start doing this, then I can't use you anymore. And we're going to have to let you go.
24:26 And then I give them a deadline. You have one day, two days, three days to figure this out. And then I'm going to have another team member sign off on it.
24:35 If that team member says no, than you're going. And I have that conversation with them and it's very direct. But that's not the time, whenever I have that conversation, it's not the time to make them feel good, right?
24:47 I'm not worried about their feelings because it is now, do they have a job or do they not? The biggest question that I always ask myself is, is what resources have I provided them?
25:01 Did I actually spend time with them? Did I actually try to get them to improve? Did I actually give them the resources to convert from that B player to that A player.
25:10 And if the answer is no, then I need to give them more resources. Right? Same thing with our spouses, right?
25:17 We mean, Lori battles us all the time, you know? And she's always like, you're like moving 100 times faster than everybody else.
25:23 I can't keep up with you and all this stuff. And like, you know, I realize that I'm just like, okay, what have I've done to help her be successful?
25:33 And then I have to slow down. Not only do I have to slow down, but the goal that I'm trying to reach, I've got to bring that way down.
25:41 And I'll be going, I got to, I got to think and lay, okay, Lori's peace in this is to accomplish this.
25:49 And in order for her to accomplish this, she needs this, this, and this, this. All right. So now she has, she has all of the resources.
25:58 Why is she not getting this accomplished? And if she has all the resources, is the only answer is she's not putting in the effort that it takes to accomplish the thing.
26:11 And unfortunately with your spouse, with your kids, with your family, you don't have the option to fire them. Right? Yeah, we don't need to go to the other option, you know?
26:23 And then you hear things like, stay in your lane. Stay in your lane does not work. There's no communication is staying in your lane.
26:31 All right, me and Lori has tried that. I kicked her completely out of the visions and things that I built and I'm like, you stay in the things that I've already built and you manage those, right?
26:41 Like, she can take something that I've already put in processes to continue to make money and she can run them, right?
26:47 She can do that. Will they improve? No. But will they stay the same? Yeah, things don't really stay the same.
26:56 All right, things you're either grow under your dying, including a business. Business does not plateau. If you're not improving it, then you are, it is going down.
27:06 We was just having this talk with Airbnb's and Reynolds. The other day, and I'm just like, look, Lori, like traffic.
27:11 Like, I've told you from the beginning that you need to be trying to collect emails, names, and phone numbers from every guest that comes and stays with us.
27:19 And she never understood it until now. Because like, you know, Airbnb's are starting to shut, But like drop off a lot because of the economy, like we're in a very harsh state of economy and we can see it.
27:31 And I'm like, if you would have just listened to me and collected those names, phone numbers and emails, we could be running campaigns and promotions right now to fill up our units.
27:41 But you didn't. And the only way that I could have made it done was is I had to stop building and doing all these things that I'm doing and I would have to do it myself.
27:51 Or I got to go hire someone else that can do it, right? That's an option too. But again, though, she just kept it the same.
28:00 Right now, so obviously it's a tough decision because it's your wife. Like you said, you're not going nowhere. You know, how long do you keep trying to build somebody up like that before you say, all right, fine, like you're just you're just not doing it anymore.
28:21 I'm going to do it. Like I can't and then you hire that person because realistically, you want to include your wife in it.
28:29 That would be cool. That would be very cool. With mine, I know that if I sat her down and I said, hey, can you get involved in this, I know that she would absolutely have zero interest in it.
28:41 So I let her go and develop other things that she wants to do. This house, she's graded up keeping it like she even asked if she could keep mowing the yard when when I got back because she was mowing it while I was gone.
28:56 Yeah. And it's like, all right, fine. Like if that's what you want to improve on and do that, like she hedged the bushes.
29:02 Like she she a lot of these things that I told her know I'll do. And then she'll take care of it.
29:08 But what I'm getting at is like, how long do you tell somebody like keep doing this, keep doing this, keep doing this.
29:15 And they're not improving before you say, all right, find it out of here. And when I ask that question, I mean, someone like close like that.
29:23 You know, that's gotta be difficult to do because you want your wife to be involved in the business you're creating because your family is in the vision that you've created for the house.
29:36 It's in your 10 year goal. It's in your 20 year goal. You know, you're not doing this so Eric can have the money and go do whatever he wants.
29:43 you know you're not doing it so Eric can only provide the value which by the way is another topic that we'll talk about later on in another episode but like how do you go about that because I I just immediately said no right in the beginning I didn't keep forcing Erica to try because I immediately recognize
30:06 like she's just not interested she can help me in other ways yeah so this is where this is where the tides turn, right?
30:13 So in life, based off the principle of you're either growing or you're dying, which is true, right? Everybody should live by that and understand that.
30:24 Like if you are not growing, like even then the Bible says that you should always be growing, right? And if you're not, you are dying.
30:32 Well, by that definition, when you look at your spouse, you can't fire her. You can't fire him. Also, if you be stern and treated like a business, now there is no emotion.
30:47 And we went through this phase where it's like you stay in your lane, I stay in my lane. That did not work because now we are not communicating and there was no connection.
30:58 Now it worked as far as less arguments, less discussions. And then we tried, you know, other things, just like, hey, let me bring you in a little bit.
31:10 Let me share with you a little bit. And that worked a little, but at the same time, it was the whole concept of, like, Lori turns into my punching bag, right?
31:23 Like roller coaster carousel, right? And the concept of being a rollercoaster Carousel is roller coasters moving, right? Let's go. Let's go.
31:31 Let's go. When it comes to like cooking dinner, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, homeschooling, all that other stuff.
31:37 Lori is the roller coaster. If I stepped in and I try to be the roller coaster in those roles, well, now I remove her purpose.
31:48 And she has no purpose. And now I overpower her and it doesn't do any good for nobody. So I have to lower my ambition in those topics and those categories.
32:01 And I have to become the carousel. And the carousel is supporting providing steady, providing stability. And she needs that in those roles.
32:12 So like when it comes to homeschooling, she might struggle with one of the kids, like, hey, I'm dealing with this issue.
32:18 It is not my job to talk to her and say, hey, you need to fix this. It's not my job to say, hey, I would do this, this, and this, and this, because I'm not the roller coaster.
32:28 I'm the supportive role. I need to listen. I need to ask questions. I just need to be there for her.
32:36 And if I do that long enough, eventually she'll be like, hey, what do you think? What would you do? And now I can give my advice.
32:44 The worst thing we can do is give our unsolicited advice, which nobody wants. So that is the answer that you're asking for, and it's forever, right?
32:54 That's how long you continue this. It's just you have to understand which role you're in. And if it's her trying to become a roller coaster, let her become a roller coaster.
33:03 Let her go, but understand that you can only be one roller coaster. There can't be two. Like Lori drives all the time.
33:11 She drops everywhere we go. If we go on trips, she drops. like normally if the loan trip will swap out but the only reason will swap out is because she's a sleep She's not getting car sick from watching me drive.
33:23 All right, like she's like she can't ride on the back seat or anything like that So like yeah, she has issues with somebody else driving.
33:30 It doesn't matter who it is, right? Well, I know that so I lowered my man ego And I said hey, I'll let you drive If I'm with me and I sit in the passenger seat and you know, I do whatever I want to do Um, and then we swap out as needed, but I may support a role.
33:49 It's not me grabbing the maps and everything else, playing with the stereos and all that other stuff. That stuff's really important to her when we go on a road trip.
33:57 So I let her do it. That's all her if she wants to listen to something. I don't want to listen to unless it really bothers me.
34:03 I don't say a word because I'm in the supported role. If, um, So you kind of answered it, what I was asking is, how long do, I mean, I guess it goes back to, well, may I say that forever, yeah, forever.
34:27 But how long do you say, Laurie, just it's always you going, Laurie, why isn't the sun, Laurie, why isn't the sun, Laurie, why isn't the sun, how long do you keep doing that until you say, hey, you're not involved in the, or are you forced to involve your spouse?
34:45 Yes. So this is, this is what I'm trying to build up to, right? So I just describe the roller coaster and care.
34:51 So you got to figure out which roll you're in. So if you won't hurt to be involved in something, then the best way for her to be involved in something is allow her to become the roller coaster.
35:04 So paying bills, Lori pays all the bills. But when we first got married, that was a huge issue, separate bank accounts, separate bills.
35:13 We didn't have our finances to combine. And I mean, we're not a team. A marriage is a company. A marriage is the exact same thing as a business.
35:22 Money comes in. Money goes out. Why would you not combine your resources to make a bigger company, right? So let's combine that.
35:31 Well, now somebody has to be the roller coaster. It has to be in charge of the finances. It can't be both of us.
35:38 So now she's fully in charge. Well, if she makes a late payment or whatever that is and she misses and she drops the ball, yes, I've got to step in and I got to figure out what happened, right?
35:51 And that's the same thing a business would do. That's the same thing a company would do. Now, how I stepped in is what determines the answer that you're talking about, right?
36:00 Because now it's just like, okay, can you do this, right? Was this completely like abnormal or is this happening every month?
36:09 So that determines the reaction, right? If this is happening every month, it's like, no, like we've got to change, like you are literally hurting the family.
36:18 And if you are hurting the family, somebody has to step up and take lead and take charge and remove that responsibility and figure out how to work it better, right?
36:29 And it's a team effort. And this is where ego comes into play because both parties have ego. And your ego gets bruised and whenever your ego gets bruised, now an argument comes out.
36:42 And now neither parties listening to each other. And because neither parties listening to each other, it's constant conflict. You're not moving forward.
36:53 And the question you have to ask yourself is, is that conversation? Are we focused on the past and the present?
37:00 Are we saying, why did this happen? What did you do wrong? Are we saying, why me? Are we saying, why is he always belittling me?
37:09 Why does he always be rating me? are we saying I can never do anything right or because all that is moving the conversation nowhere is staying the same that conversation is not moving whenever either one of those parties or has those thoughts going in there and what I'm talking about is reflecting we
37:28 have to learn how to reflect you have to reflect with four momentum okay I made a mistake I own that I am sorry will Will you help me fix this or what can I do not to make this happening in automatic payments, right?
37:42 Hey, go do automatic payments, right? Make sure it's set up. Hey, double check. It's sometimes automatic payments get disconnected. Let's check that everyone.
37:50 So let's go ahead and like put a reminder in like every couple of months. We go in and check that automatic payments is still connected, right?
37:57 Hey, call the bank and tell them like, Hey, I had automatic payments connected, but it disconnected and that's the reason I was late this month, right?
38:04 this stuff happens. Right? So if that stuff happens, it's like, are we moving the conversation forward? It's not, oh, I did everything wrong.
38:15 You know, he's always coming down on me, all like, you know, in this whole pity party, the victim mentality. If there's victim mentality, well, now it's all about your freaking ego and we can't move the conversation forward.
38:28 So ego prevents us from moving forward. like that's the big idea. So the big idea is both parties have to understand that if we're not talking about how to improve the situation, if we're not just accepting it as is, extreme ownership, accept the responsibility for the failure even if you didn't do it
38:51 directly because after all you are part of the team so therefore it is still your fault. So accept that and move forward.
39:00 It It doesn't really matter who's right, who's wrong. The only thing matters is you improve, is you grow. It's okay to be wrong, it's okay to be right, congratulations.
39:11 Move on, remove that ego and let's go. Right. Fun facts about that word and program. We always say the Lord's Prayer at the end of every meeting.
39:25 And the one thing that I heard, one of my friends say before because at the end of the Lord's Prayer says, need us not in the temptation, but deliver us from evil.
39:33 We all change it to ego, but deliver us from ego. Yeah, I always thought it was good because like it reminded me that I probably need to say that more often.
39:43 But that is good. And you know, the closest loop though, Kevin, like that's how you gotta handle it in marriage because marriage never ends.
39:51 All right, your only job is to play marriage at the best level possible. It's a game. All right, and how you play it determines everything.
40:00 It's not a game that you can quit on, it's not a game that you can try again later, it's not a game where you go to jail and you never pass go.
40:08 It's a game that you consistently play and you've got to learn how to be supportive, but also you've got to understand that if you're not being productive and there's an issue, how do you work together to do it?
40:21 That's not coming in and belittling and yelling and all that other stuff instead is asking questions, hey, what can we do better next time, right?
40:31 And then both parties have to be open in that, right? So like, don't blame, right? That's the key. Now, if you relate this back to business, the answer is that's that's business.
40:43 Business is a people problem. How do you make money in business relationships? Now, if you make the wrong relationships, you're not going to make money.
40:53 I've had multiple people come in like to this new thing that I'm building and they were not a good fit because they were not a players, right?
41:02 Not only were they not a players, but they had a massive ego. And I had to learn the hard way of what happens whenever somebody wants to be in charge of something, but yet they don't have the skill to be in charge of it in the first place.
41:17 But yet they think they do. But yet they can't prove it. Right, business is a game of like put out or get out, right?
41:24 So you get to deliver the result or You have you lower your ego and you learn how to deliver the result or you get out And that's it.
41:35 We don't have time to do it any other way Which by the way everybody listening if you want to know What an A player is we go into detail in this in episodes 12 and 13 it's a two-parter So you don't understand what ABC players go check those upsets out 12 and 13.
41:54 We go into excruciating detail about what ABC players are. And then about your partnership. Let me refer back to another episode.
42:05 If you want to hear these woes that Eric had, which they're I wasn't involved, so I got to laugh at them.
42:14 But that's episode 10 where Eric talks about his real estate journey. So Eric, we're at a long recording now, and we got a lot of good stuff out there.
42:29 And I'm glad this conversation sparked up, because again, I think it's a taboo conversation people don't have. I came out and I gave you my real life situation of how I felt and then I pulled from you.
42:45 how would you do this? How would you do that? And in turn, it helped us better understand one another. And it helped understand from your point of view too, where it's like, one, it reaffirms, watch me do air quotes, the work that I've been doing.
43:05 Because if I wasn't growing, we'll say break up as you put it, you know, it would have been Kevin, sorry, dude, like you just keep effing up all the time.
43:21 Like, and I've seen it. I've seen you, I've been here when people have left. And, um, which is going to tie into the next episode that we talk about.
43:32 So just to give you guys a hint of what next week will be about, um, it'll be, we're going to discuss delegation decision making and I hate this word.
43:45 But I know where you're going to go with it, balancing family life in your ambitions. It's such a hot topic, man.
43:53 And you give such a good delivery on it. So I appreciate that. Yeah. I feel like this whole show was a rant, man, but like this is, this is definitely something that the world needs to hear because we live in a victim's society.
44:09 And if you want to be successful, you've got to drop this whole thing. Everything that society right now is teaching you, drop it.
44:17 You've got to raise your standards, live by your standards and develop principles to back those standards up. And in this show, that's what I'm describing.
44:26 I'm describing my principles of how I learn and overcame these struggles because we don't know. Nobody teaches this. And as somebody that works, like, if I position myself in this hierarchy, I'm not above Eric.
44:43 I'm not side-by-side with Eric when it comes to the skills stuff and the teaching and lessons and whatever you want to call it, I guess, you know?
44:53 Eric and I aren't right here. I'm down here because I haven't learned anything thing. And I'm trying to do this.
44:59 Do I like how he talks to me sometimes? Absolutely not. But like at the same time, like having these conversations helps me better understand.
45:07 And I'm glad that everybody listening got to see a real world example of somebody who's trying to build something with somebody when they've never done it before and they need to learn how.
45:19 Yeah. So that was, that was my purpose in telling you to hit record because because this has been great lessons for everybody who might be encountering this.
45:29 And I'm glad that you brought in the husband and wife aspects because a lot of people out there in relationships that deal through a lot of crap, you know?
45:40 So, and we will always be told, and like people do not like somebody else coming down on them. They don't.
45:47 And we will always be told that we are too hard to something. With the end of the day, if your standards are not being met, then that person who's delivering that to back to you is the thing that's holding you back.
46:04 And if you can't cuddle, you got to figure out how to work with them. I think that's what you alluded to with marriage.
46:10 Yeah. I mean, it is, right? I mean, you've got to, I can't cuddle. Instead, I've got to figure out how to work with them.
46:17 And sometimes that is sacrifice. most of the time that sacrifice is sacrificing what's important to me and letting the, you know, her have the importance and you've got to be that supportive role.
46:30 And I think that's missing a lot in marriage. I know it's missing in our marriage a lot, you know, and that's where people talk about, like, you know, well, so and so, so selfish, so and so is all about itself or herself or whatever whatever that is.
46:42 It's just like, hmm. And you see it from both sides, man. Um, yeah. What would you, uh, so I guess like with everything we've talked about, what would be if you had to tell the audience, Professor Eric, what would be your, what would be like the lesson to take away?
47:01 What would you challenge people to do? Because there's always a moral or a challenge or something that you need to take away.
47:09 So like, what's your biggest takeaway from this that you would challenge people to do? Business or marriage? No, it's both.
47:16 Give them both. Yeah, so marriage, the number one thing you can do is say less. Say less, and instead of giving your unsolicited advice, ask, how can I help you be better?
47:31 How can I help you accomplish this? Don't point out that they made a mistake. Instead, just ask, how can I help?
47:38 In business, you've got to set your standards. How long are you going to allow that person to continue to make the mistakes before you fire them?
47:50 And then you got to be okay with firing because depending on so like my team, the reason I train people who have no experience is because I am developing that skill set, right?
48:03 I'm doing that on purpose. Like could I go out I hear and hire people that already know how to do this stuff.
48:07 Yeah, absolutely. But I don't want to, because I want to learn the skill set and not only do I want to learn the skill set, I want to develop the standard operating procedures so I can take that information and go help others.
48:20 So for me, I got to consider how much experience do they have? Whenever they get interviewed, do they mislead me?
48:29 If they misled me, time to put up a shut up, right? That's happened too, you know with like you zero experience producing zero experience podcasts or any of the stuff and we started off And I'm like Kevin like you make consistent episodes and we'll see what happens, right?
48:44 And you did you consistently recorded and posted your own podcasts and then I'm like, hey, let's come into this thing And let's start building this thing like this is the vision, right?
48:53 No one that you have no clue and Also, I don't have a clue. I'm learning how to do this stuff Right.
49:00 So like whenever we work together, it's like, who's ideas right? You know, and the answer is neither. We have to prove that our ideas right because neither one of us has the experience to do this thing.
49:14 So in that case, then I've got to be open to your ideas. You got to be open to my ideas.
49:22 And the issue is, is let's produce as many ideas as possible, let's throw as much stuff up against the wall as possible.
49:32 And my job is to try to get you to have that certainty, the confidence in order to make decisions and create and start executing without me coming up with something, right?
49:45 Which we're working on now, right? Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I mean, that's literally my job, right? If I continuously create things and do things and like plug in the holes and I'm like hey Kevin This is the next idea.
49:59 Hey Kevin. This is what we're gonna do. Hey Kevin. This is a schedule If I'm constantly micromanaging like that, why would I ever expect for you to become an A-player in production?
50:09 You couldn't because you're not allowing me to grow. Yeah, and at the same time my whole job is to get you to become way better whatever I'm good at, right?
50:20 So like, editing and producing whatever that is, concepts of planning, like, if I understand how to do those things, my job is to teach you all the stuff that I know as quickly as possible, get you to execute on it and then point you in the right direction that way you go learn more that way, I don't
50:36 have to learn that skill anymore, right? And that's part of skill stacking. You don't need to learn to be an expert.
50:42 You just need to learn just enough to execute, right? But with you, like your role is producer, right? You're producing our show in Pirate Homefront.
50:52 So with that, you've got to become an expert. You've got to, like, far out past me and come up with these ideas on your own, right?
51:02 But the only way you can do that is for me to teach you what I already know. And it takes time to do that.
51:08 Rips. Yeah, yeah. You know, you're speaking to a lives there. So, everybody, I hope you all enjoyed this episode. It kind of was an off the cuff one.
51:22 We had something planned, but I'm glad some magic came out of this because Eric and I basically got to open up to each other and discuss like a real problem.
51:33 Not only to say it's a problem, but like something that was going on and it helped create a better understanding.
51:37 If you want to consider a topic, this was communication, whatever. whatever. But Eric talked about how he wants to build up confidence in me and the team.
51:48 With that being said, I am absolutely confident that if you go to the empowered home front YouTube and hit that subscribe, follow like share button.
51:56 You will not be disappointed in the content that you find there. We are constantly improving every single time we put something out.
52:04 Me as a producer, if you want to yell at somebody for crap content, come to me. Let me message on the comments.
52:10 Drop them below. I don't care. It's a learning experience. And I think you guys need to keep your minds open, continue to learn.
52:17 And what was that error? Don't give unsolicited advice because ain't nobody want it. That's right. All right. And with that, everybody, you can find us on Instagram as well on Powered Homefront.
52:27 Go join our Facebook group. And yeah, we hope to see you guys there. Like, follow, subscribe, share, drop comment, and remember, don't stop learning.
52:38 Being grown when you're done.